It's in the past now
by RainTastesGood
Summary: James receives some nasty messages on twitter, bringing bad memories of high school. He strongly believes in the comments he had gotten, but Kendall is there to make him think otherwise - For Anti-Bullying Day  March 3rd . Not Slash.


**This is for Anti-Bullying Day (which was supposed to be on March 3rd) I'm sorry for posting this 2 days after the actual date, but I really couldn't finished it by Saturday, and I saw some of you posted it two days before the date so I thought that posting it two days after wasn't a big deal... haha. Let's hope you read this and that it has the same effect it should have had if I had posted it on March 3rd. **

**Anyway, I really wanted to be a part of this "project"? made by FootBallandBTR because I've actually been bullied at school. Thank god I've finished school and graduated with good grades in 2009, but what I've gone through left bad memories that will always be there to haunt me. Let's just say that sometimes I wake up around 7am thinking that maybe it was all a dream and I still have to go to school. But don't worry :) I'm okay now, it made me a lot stronger and more independent. Sometimes it's necessary to rock bottom in order to heal completely. Now I'm a happy girl living the life, getting to know amazing people, real friends and studying Theater and falling in love a little bit more with my career every day. So if any of you dear readers are going through bullying, have gone through it, or just want to talk, remember that I'm always here willing to talk to you guys. **

**Another important thing: maybe you have noticed, maybe you haven't, but my main language is Spanish and I've studied English but as it's not what I talk every day there may be some grammar mistakes or comma splices/ run-on sentences or whatever, but please be understanding and leave a nice review, if you want to of course (lol) No, seriously try to leave a review, it'll take you a minute, and it'll help me to improve my writing ... Deal? haha :3 Are you tired of my long author note? Okay... ON WITH THE STORY! WUUHUU :D**

**Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own Big Time Rush ... if so it'll be full of ANGST! ;) **

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><p><em>Fat<em>

_Ugly_

_Worthless_

_Untalented_

_Fag _

…

…

…

"Not again, not again" James whispered to himself as he updated his twitter account. Those words, those offensive words that reminded him of high school back in Minnesota; were now poisoning his old mentions on twitter. James thought that maybe it was a mistake, a new kind of spam, a joke even. The tall brunette wanted to think that it was a sick joke of his younger fans, and he will soon receive a beautiful letter saying that it was all a joke, that they were just kidding, that it was impossible for them to hate their biggest idol. Sadly, that was just a desire. As James continued reading the endless list of insults, his rounded hazel eyes were filling with tears. James "the face" Diamond was lying motionless on his bed, with teary eyes that were threatening to spill tears on his rosy cheeks. Instead of combing his chestnut hair as usual, or taking pictures of himself in different poses, he was in his dark bedroom with the blinds down, tormenting himself with old memories.

"….. breakfast" James turned astonished to Logan who was right in front of him "What did you say?"

"I said that I've made breakfast, you fool!" Logan said in a mocking voice as he hit his taller friend's head. This kind of treatment was perfectly normal between boys, and the BTR guys were not an exception, but for some strange reason James took it as an offense. Well, strange from Logan's point of view because as James saw it; he had every right to be sensitive after the cyber bullying he had just got.

"Hey dude, go down and eat something or else we're going to be late. And it'll be your entire fault" Logan pointed out to James, raising an eyebrow and walking backwards out of James and Kendall's bedroom. Of course it wasn't a threat since Logan's laughs could be heard from the living room; however, according to James it was clearly a mocking kind of laugh.

_He should really not be a part of Big Time Rush_

_Who the fuck let him to be a singer?_

_Gross. He looks like a drag queen_

…

…

…

By the time James read the incoming messages, his thin lips started trembling. He couldn't hold the tears back for any longer, so in a split second the super confident James Diamond he used to be, was crying… no, sobbing actually. He felt his heart breaking in millions of pieces, his chest tightening, forcing him to choke on his own tears. James whimpered right before someone came into the room.

"Dude! I don't care if Logan keeps telling me that you have to eat breakfasts. If you don't get you butt off of that freaking bed, Gustavo is going to fire us! So hurry up!" Kendall was perfectly known for his bad temper, but James rarely got on his nerves. Thankfully, James had turned to his wardrobe just in time to hide his red-rimmed eyes from Kendall; needless to say, the tall blonde wasn't in the mood of giving one of his famous speeches.

"Hey, I'm not planning on leaving you know?" James kept rubbing his eyes in attempt to hide his crying; however, he wasn't doing a good job so far. He had visible tear-streaked cheeks that were not going to disappear just like that.

Kendall got a little concerned by not hearing a word from his best friend after making two rhetorical questions; the brunette seemed not to get the concept of 'rhetoric' and always answered them, it took a second for Kendall to notice that James was just not acting like himself today.

"Haven't you heard me?" Kendall sighed noticing that maybe and just maybe James wasn't answering him because he was being a little bit rude "You okay?" he said gently this time.

"Hmm Ye-yeah let's go!" the pretty boy stuttered and ran out of the bedroom, his glance never leaving the floor. Kendall raised an eyebrow at this odd attitude and tried to shrug it off, he will find out later.

"Hey James want to play some video games?" Carlos, the hyperactive boy said loudly.

"Carlos! What have we been talking about two minutes ago? We have to go to Rocque Records!"

"Jeez Logan relax! You're really getting on my nerves today" Carlos answered and grabbed his helmet, making his way to the door. At this, the brain of BTR rolled his eyes, he knew he had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today, but was not willing to accept it.

Once the two shorter boys ended their argument they all made their way to the limo. James let his legs guide him wherever they decide to go, as he was lost in bitter thoughts.

* * *

><p><em><strong>flashback –<strong>_

"_Hey James, you should really give it a try" Derek said pointing to the flier James was looking at. Oh Derek, he was the most popular kid at school, tall, handsome, and a bully indeed. He had tried to be the-guy-every-girl-wants-to-be-with for the past three years, but James seemed to always win that category. Though it wasn't his intention to be a rival of the big bully, the girls always preferred to hang out with James over Derek. Even the self-confident guy wanted to do whatever it had to be done to just leave the spotlight to Derek, so he wouldn't bully him. Of course Kendall, Logan and Carlos knew about James' personal bully, and without a doubt the Hockey Team Captain had gave him a good hiding, yet Derek kept bugging his best friend. James raised an eyebrow, surprised that his enemy was encouraging him to audition for the school's play._

"_Grease: The Musical"_

_Auditions: Friday 16__th_

_Time: After classes!_

_At the Auditorium_

"_I think you will be a good Danny Zuko" Derek whispered maliciously on James' ear. The tall brunette turned around intimidated, yes, James Diamond was scared of a boy that was the same length as him. When someone is scared, no matter who he/she is, no matter the size he/she has, you'll always believe with all your heart that that person can hurt you, until you stop to maximize its power. And James had maximized Derek a long time ago. _

"_I think I'll go" he said in a tiny voice "Perfect!" and with that he left the hallway._

_The other ¾ of Big Time Rush went to their houses that evening, while James stayed all alone at school preparing himself for the audition. The guys were accustomed to not walk their way back home with James whenever there was an audition, so they just said their goodbyes and good lucks, not even thinking something will go wrong. _

"_Hello? Is anybody here? Hmm … my name is James Diamond, I'm here for the audition of Grease?" he squinted at the big table where the music teachers or whoever was making the audition should be, but there was no one in the big auditorium._

"_Come' on, sing" an unrecognizable voice said._

"_O-okay … Uhmm… I- I'm going to sing "You're the one that I want" James stuttered, he knew something was fishy with this whole audition, but singing wouldn't harm anyone; on the contrary, they all will be pleased._

_James stood straight and took a deep breath "I got chills, they're multiplying, and I'm losing control, 'cause the power you're supplying, it's electrifying" By that part James was feeling the song, moving around and singing his heart out. _

_Derek and his friends were hidden at the roof of the theater with a big trash can in their hands, snickering at their malicious plan. As James continued with the chorus the bullies lifted the trash can and threw it directly to the chestnut haired boy._

"_Ahhh!" James screamed and closed his eyes as all the garbage covered him. The laughs … the piercing laughs could be heard all over the auditorium. Insults, names … he felt in a movie, everything was in slow motion and the guffaws were ringing in his ears. _

"_HEY! FAG! LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE SHIT ALL OVER YOURSELF!" _

"_THROW THE GARBAGE IN ITS PLACE!"_

"_YOUR PERFORMANCE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT, JUT LIKE YOU"_

"_YOU CAN'T EVEN SING A LINE PROPERLY … USELESS!"_

_James left the theater running as fast as he could, crying his heart out. Suddenly his cellphone rang and he pushed the green button. _

"_James? Are you there?" it was Kendall, he really did wanted to talk back to him, but just couldn't. He tried to say something, anything! However the only thing he could do was to choke with his own sobs._

"_They fooled me, I'm so fucking stupid! I'm so naïve! I let them deceive me!" James thoughts taunted him. _

"_Jay what's wrong? Why are you crying?" _

_After that he lost it and between sobs he told Kendall the whole story the best he could manage to._

_**End of Flashback –**_

* * *

><p>James hasn't even noticed the tears that were freely falling down his face. His shoulders were slightly quivering, and his face was glued to the window of the limo. His cellphone buzzed making him to snap out of his thoughts.<p>

_You have a new Tweet_

His screen read. James was scared, truly scared to take a look of the incoming message, but did it anyways, thinking that maybe it was a nice tweet this time.

_Wanna see how many people hate you? Useless piece of junk? Just click the link below._

At this James' heart sank, he couldn't breathe provoking him to choke back a sob. Kendall felt guilty, he swore he was the reason why James has been distraught the whole ride. He hasn't been "nice" to him in the morning, so he must be the reason of his crying. He placed his hand in James' right shoulder and said.

"Jay, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kendall said in a sympathetic voice. James hasn't even notices he was crying, and frankly he couldn't care less. He gave Kendall his cellphone pointing at the screen. He grabbed it, and along with Logan and Carlos they read all of his mentions, astonished, shocked.

"James, please don't cry!" Carlos poked out, as his party friend kept crying harder and harder.

"Hey, I know this sucks, and it's not fair. But remember what Gustavo told us? We have more fans supporting us than haters destroying us." Logan said in a soothing, wise tone of voice. Thought it didn't seem to calm down the broken boy, so Kendall took the lead as usual. He placed one of his hands on James' chin, making him to raise his head, and finally making eye contact, concerned green eyes with teary hazel ones.

"James, listen. None if those words are true! You're the most talented, passionate, caring, funny, and … a gigantic list of good adjectives more that describes you perfectly. We are your best friends, we know you more than any of those crazy people out there pretending they know you. If they think those things about you, and believe that because we're pop stars we don't have feelings or don't get hurt by their comments, then they're worth nothing. They don't have any right to make you cry!" James smiled a little at this typical Kendall outburst.

"You don't have to please anyone in this world. If they think you're fat… let them! If they think you're gay… LET THEM! We and you know more than anyone that you're none of those things they mentioned. I'm not saying that you're not going to receive offensive messages anymore, we can't make them stop, but we can ignore them. I know it's frustrating that I can't beat the life out of them, but you know what? This just makes us stronger, as people, as friends. The thing of this whole Hollywood experience is that you're happy, Jay"

"S-so you're not mad at me?" James asked in a tiny voice.

"What? What makes you think that? Kendall asked softly. James wiped his eyes and began to talk again, this time calmer.

"In the morning all of you were mad at me. Logan was pissed because I wouldn't get out of bed, and then you were mad at me, god knows why! Talking to me with your 'hey I'm Kendall and I'm mad so back off" tone of voice. And none of you could notice that I was upset because of the messages! You kept yelling at me to go down and eat the fucking breakfast …." James was hyperventilating and sobbing again. Kendall hugged him, and rubbed his best friends back soothingly.

"Awww James! Of course I'm not mad at you now, nor in the morning. I'm sorry if I sounded kind of rude, I didn't know you were upset earlier"

"I'm sorry too! It wasn't my intention, though I got to admit that I woke up kinda grumpy today, but not because of you James, it'll never be because of you" Logan said embarrassed.

"Hey I didn't do anything! I just offered him to play some video games!" Carlos said anxiously, the guys just chuckled. James let go of Kendall's embrace and said "It's okay, I forgive you 'Los" The Latino rolled his eyes, causing James the laugh again.

"There is something else, isn't it?" Kendall, knowing his best bud to good, asked.

James shrugged "Remember what happened at school, in ninth grade? The audition…" they all nodded their heads, remembering the awful event.

"I guess the tweets and everything … brought me bad memories" he looked at his hands, feeling nervous by just imagining the incident again.

Kendall and James made eye contact once again, then the blonde said "But that it's in the past now" James nodded and smiled. They all smiled actually, happy that James was feeling better. Having friends so close, that are brothers actually, made James smile even more. He was sure that no matter what happened, no matter the haters, no matter the bad memories that threatened to haunt him every now and then, they'll always, always be there for him.

"Yeah" James smiled, agreeing with Kendall's statement. He took a look of the scenery of Los Angeles; while the limo continued its route to Rocque Records. Despite all the bullying he got back in Minnesota, he was here; in L.A, living the dream with his three best friends … He just couldn't ask for more.


End file.
